


Fading

by Singular_Coyote



Category: Six of Crows Series - Leigh Bardugo
Genre: Angst, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Hurt No Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Memories, Past Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-04
Updated: 2020-05-04
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:09:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 793
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24007894
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Singular_Coyote/pseuds/Singular_Coyote
Summary: The death of an old and dear friend takes a toll on Kaz Brekker.
Relationships: Kaz Brekker/Inej Ghafa
Comments: 1
Kudos: 36





	Fading

He woke in the quiet of the night to an empty couch, free from the weight of his Wraith. He woke with tired stinging eyes adjusting their view in the dark, seeing nothing. But still, he would have felt her if she was there. Yet, that would have been no cause to worry in previous years. 

Sometimes she just faded ever so gently into the night and around corners that he knew not to call out to her; she’d be back on her own terms. 

Not now. Not ever anymore. But, in years past she would’ve. 

Perhaps she’d float through the window of his office. Or slink in through the side door on the ground floor, bounding up the stairs to come see him. Never through the front door; that wasn’t her style.

But now she’d never do anything like that now, she couldn’t. She had no body to bend and no legs to stretch. No vocal cords to laugh with and no mouth to say his name.

Yet, he found himself still saying hers. Some mornings he’d be getting dressed and would turn to her.  _ Inej, _ he’d say, ready to ask her opinion on the new tie he’d bought, and then the absence would swallow him.

There was no girl with sharp eyes and a playful tongue behind him; there hadn’t been in days.

He’d be walking through the nicer parts of the city to meet with someone for business and pass a store that reminded him of her.  _ Inej, _ he’d turn and say, preparing to ask her if she wanted to go inside. But all that responded was the noise of the city.

There was no Suli girl with sure feet and soft hair standing next to him; there hadn’t been in months.

Some nights he’d barge into the slat and hurry as calmly as he could to his office, preparing to shield himself from the outside. On those nights his skin crawled and his stomach turned sick. He’d walk in, shut the door, and set his hands to his arms, as if he could simply scrape away the rot.

_ Inej,  _ he’d call, asking for her kind words to bring him down from the panic.  _ Inej,  _ he’d say, a little louder so she would hear him over the sirens. How loud they were.  _ Inej,  _ he’d gasp, feeling salt water take his breath away. Yet, the waves were the only thing to answer; an ever common companion.

Though, he supposed, something had to be there to take the place of that girl who could warp gravity with a god’s ease. She hadn’t been there in years.

All that remained was her memory. The force of her presence had drifted to the bottom of the sea alongside her body. A body which, so strong and elegant, had only served as a millstone despite such.Not that he could imagine that; he’d only seen her form propel her.

The thought of her being overtaken, of drowning, sickened him. He knew all too well what it felt like. They could understand each other if she was here. They could talk in their silences and fingertip touches the way they used to in the dark of the night.

He could imagine her curled up against the other arm of the couch if he tried hard enough. He could feel her feet pressed against his thighs and hear her breathing if he stilled himself enough. But when he opened his eyes she was gone, her bones continuing to take root in the ocean floor.

She had disappeared once more in the way she always did. It was something he could never copy, but perhaps he could sink just as she had. The water was waiting, right outside his door it trundled and sloshed, calling. 

He turned over and put his back to the door, pulling his attention from it. Unbothered it went for a while, annoyed it eventually became. It groaned and cried for attention and began to seep through the cracks. He covered his ears and shut his eyes.

Forward it moved, a single unit out for the taste of tears. It pushed against furniture and soaked the fabric of the couch. It swarmed and rose and murmured to him, pulling him towards its mass. 

In the dark of his sight and the slights of his hearing the water protruded. He heard it call out to him; it told him his brother was waiting for him, told him that his lover missed him. It spoke of the things he’d see if he let the water envelop him, let it swallow him the way it had almost done before.

_ An end. An end.  _ It promised, hissing in his ears, knowing nothing but force would make him act. 

**Author's Note:**

> Can't believe I had this one sitting in my drive for two years and never posted it.


End file.
